"If you get cupcakes at work for your birthday and they don't look remarkably tasty, take one and smear it in the face of somebody who deserves it. It's your birthday and they'll forgive you." -- anonymous emailer
Today is my 30th birthday.
Regrets are things often associated with the beginning of a new year, whether it is marked by the passing of another calendar year or another year of life on earth. Though years are arbitrary, an otherwise meaningless measure of time that our small brains created to help us make sense of the world, regrets are nothing to sneeze at. For example, as small a thing as it is, I regret that I haven't posted much on this blog all month - and in particular I promised a post that I never wrote. For shame.
So, here goes.
I had three different and interesting responses to my post about the "perfect" job. (Wow, does that mean I have increased my readership from two to three?!?)
1) There's no room for advancement in that job.
2) That job isn't "special" enough [Note: my word choice].
3) When are you just going to get on with it, then?
I love all three responses because they made me think. A little about what job I would really like to try next, but also what could I be doing now to move toward something, whatever it ends up being.
Step one: investigate job options. Learn what different jobs entail - day to day tasks as well as skills that are important. Examine what kind of previous experience have going into these jobs. Discover what paths people's careers take afterwards.
I thought this might be fodder for an interesting series of posts on the blog. Here is a sampling of jobs I'm thinking about summarize on the blog:
Patent lawyer
Consultant
Science journalist/editor
Biotech/Pharma
NIH grants management
Maybe you have some suggestions too? I will try to start this next week. Also, look for an update on my year of self-improvement towards the end of the week/early next week.
I also have been tossing around the idea of starting another series of posts that highlight something interesting from my journal-y readings.
In closing, I offer you a poem from ee cummings that I stumbled across today. I am amazed I haven't heard of it before now, especially because it begins with my favorite subject.
my mind is
a big hunk of irrevocable nothing which touch and
taste and smell and hearing and sight keep hitting and
chipping with sharp fatal tools
in an agony of sensual chisels i perform squirms of
chrome and execute strides of cobalt
nevertheless i
feel that i cleverly am being altered that i slightly am
becoming something a little different, in fact
myself
Hereupon helpless i utter lilac shrieks and scarlet
bellowings.
(from XLI Poems, PORTRAITS, VII)
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
orienting life
Last time, when I said "later this week" I really meant "next week".
So, here it is, next week, and I think this is a good time to introduce everyone to my new commitment. A year of self-improvement. I imagine that sounds either corny or forced to some people, but hear me out.
I won't dwell on why I decided that now was the time to start making changes. It will suffice to say that I noticed a trend, a repeating cycle of bad moods and down thoughts that weren't/aren't going to stop themselves.
Here is the plan. Each month (or thereabouts) I take on a new aspect of my life or myself and make a change. Something small, a bite-sized, manageable shift in my behavior patterns or living situation.
You already know about life changing mini-goal #1: go to the gym regularly. Technically my gym membership started at the end of June, but I committed in earnest to this new habit at the end of July, so I've been going at it for a little over a month. Have I been successful? Sure. I haven't gone as often as I would like to say, but I'm there, sweating profusely, two days a week, and that's two more days a week than I had been before. Four days a week would be better, but maybe that will be the goal for another month. For now, I have established the habit of going to the gym twice a week, burning some extra calories, lifting some weights, and generally improving my health, self-esteem, and mood in the process.
Life changing mini-goal #2: Bring my lunch to work more often instead of buying crappy food there. I've been working on this one for the last two weeks, and so far I've gone from buying lunch every day to buying lunch once a week. Hopefully over the next two weeks I will consolidate this habit, which involves some minor planning ahead that I didn't bother with up until now. It should be easy to keep in practice if I cook a little more frequently at home - making dishes that have leftovers - and buy a few extra items at the grocery store every week, like sandwich meat, for example. Overall, I think this change will help me save money, improve my eating habits, and make me more healthy.
So, based on these first two mini-goals I think the pattern is pretty clear. I'd like to be a healthier person, in physical, emotional, and financial senses. My goals over the next few months will hopefully get me there, incrementally, slowly, but inevitably. Each month I will tackle one specific mini-goal and - most importantly - not worry about other aspects of my behavior or life that bother me. Those things will have their own month and can wait. One thing at a time. The trick will be maintaining changes from one month to the next, throughout the rest of the year, and then beyond as my focus shifts to different mini-goals. That's why I've generously decided to devote an entire month to each change. Habits take a long time to form. I am notoriously horrible at forming new ones, but I hope to improve my record over the next year.
What other mini-goals will I tackle in the coming months? you may be asking.
Quit smoking (for real - not that I am a heavy smoker - 1-4 cigarettes a week is not heavy - but it's also not doing me any good)
Declutter/reorganize my living spaces
More reading and writing/less watching TV at night
Who knows?
I will post updates here at the beginning/end of each month to let you know how I'm doing and feeling.
Oh, I suppose I should announce the big "mini-goal" that will wrap up my year-long project. See, I believe it is good to have small, short-term goals that are manageable, help improve confidence, and the like. But it is also good to have long-term goals to keep in mind as well. By increasing my health - physically, emotionally, and financially - I am also getting myself ready for something else. Life changing mini-goal #12: have a baby (which incidentally I realize will be much more than a month-long endeavor). Funny to call that a mini-goal, I suppose, but I trust you know what I mean. My husband has been ready for a baby for years, and I've been somewhat resistant - we're not ready, how will we afford it, will I be a good mother, will I have the energy, we're not grown up enough, etc. Lots of excuses, not a lot of movement toward being ready or easing any of those fears. So, now that 30 is right around the corner, I think it's time to quit with the excuses, to move myself toward being who I envision myself capable of being.
So, here it is, next week, and I think this is a good time to introduce everyone to my new commitment. A year of self-improvement. I imagine that sounds either corny or forced to some people, but hear me out.
I won't dwell on why I decided that now was the time to start making changes. It will suffice to say that I noticed a trend, a repeating cycle of bad moods and down thoughts that weren't/aren't going to stop themselves.
Here is the plan. Each month (or thereabouts) I take on a new aspect of my life or myself and make a change. Something small, a bite-sized, manageable shift in my behavior patterns or living situation.
You already know about life changing mini-goal #1: go to the gym regularly. Technically my gym membership started at the end of June, but I committed in earnest to this new habit at the end of July, so I've been going at it for a little over a month. Have I been successful? Sure. I haven't gone as often as I would like to say, but I'm there, sweating profusely, two days a week, and that's two more days a week than I had been before. Four days a week would be better, but maybe that will be the goal for another month. For now, I have established the habit of going to the gym twice a week, burning some extra calories, lifting some weights, and generally improving my health, self-esteem, and mood in the process.
Life changing mini-goal #2: Bring my lunch to work more often instead of buying crappy food there. I've been working on this one for the last two weeks, and so far I've gone from buying lunch every day to buying lunch once a week. Hopefully over the next two weeks I will consolidate this habit, which involves some minor planning ahead that I didn't bother with up until now. It should be easy to keep in practice if I cook a little more frequently at home - making dishes that have leftovers - and buy a few extra items at the grocery store every week, like sandwich meat, for example. Overall, I think this change will help me save money, improve my eating habits, and make me more healthy.
So, based on these first two mini-goals I think the pattern is pretty clear. I'd like to be a healthier person, in physical, emotional, and financial senses. My goals over the next few months will hopefully get me there, incrementally, slowly, but inevitably. Each month I will tackle one specific mini-goal and - most importantly - not worry about other aspects of my behavior or life that bother me. Those things will have their own month and can wait. One thing at a time. The trick will be maintaining changes from one month to the next, throughout the rest of the year, and then beyond as my focus shifts to different mini-goals. That's why I've generously decided to devote an entire month to each change. Habits take a long time to form. I am notoriously horrible at forming new ones, but I hope to improve my record over the next year.
What other mini-goals will I tackle in the coming months? you may be asking.
Quit smoking (for real - not that I am a heavy smoker - 1-4 cigarettes a week is not heavy - but it's also not doing me any good)
Declutter/reorganize my living spaces
More reading and writing/less watching TV at night
Who knows?
I will post updates here at the beginning/end of each month to let you know how I'm doing and feeling.
Oh, I suppose I should announce the big "mini-goal" that will wrap up my year-long project. See, I believe it is good to have small, short-term goals that are manageable, help improve confidence, and the like. But it is also good to have long-term goals to keep in mind as well. By increasing my health - physically, emotionally, and financially - I am also getting myself ready for something else. Life changing mini-goal #12: have a baby (which incidentally I realize will be much more than a month-long endeavor). Funny to call that a mini-goal, I suppose, but I trust you know what I mean. My husband has been ready for a baby for years, and I've been somewhat resistant - we're not ready, how will we afford it, will I be a good mother, will I have the energy, we're not grown up enough, etc. Lots of excuses, not a lot of movement toward being ready or easing any of those fears. So, now that 30 is right around the corner, I think it's time to quit with the excuses, to move myself toward being who I envision myself capable of being.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
a few things
I have a number of posts going on in my head right now. Which is amazing because for awhile now I haven't been thinking about writing at all.
1) Does anyone else dream about missing a flight? I had my second in two weeks last night. And countless others before these. Last night, my husband and I were supposed to fly home from a visit to my parents. On our way to the airport we were supposed to meet them at Disney World (never mind that Disney World is not on the way). We purchased entrance tickets for $26 (also not realistic, unless you are living in 1992, around the time when I most often went to Disney World) and met my family for lunch somewhere in the park. Around the time that lunch is over I realize that we have to go right away. I think at this point someone told me not to worry and the next time I manage to prod my husband to get going it is 20 minutes from when our flight is scheduled to depart. Mike says, "We'll just get another flight." Very nonchalant. Whereas I am freaking out. Then there was a frantic drive to the airport with my Mom driving one car (which I am in) and my brother-in-law driving a second car (which my husband is in), They end up not following us, which is a good thing because my Mom proceeds to get completely lost, taking wrong turn after wrong turn and not paying any attention to the directions the rest of us are trying to give her. That's about when I woke up.
2) I have some plans. One is for the blog and involves a mechanism for writing more regularly and writing more structured posts. The other is more life-oriented. They will each be separate posts that I will get out this week. (Making a declaration of commitment, I hear, is helpful when trying to reach goals and form habits.)
1) Does anyone else dream about missing a flight? I had my second in two weeks last night. And countless others before these. Last night, my husband and I were supposed to fly home from a visit to my parents. On our way to the airport we were supposed to meet them at Disney World (never mind that Disney World is not on the way). We purchased entrance tickets for $26 (also not realistic, unless you are living in 1992, around the time when I most often went to Disney World) and met my family for lunch somewhere in the park. Around the time that lunch is over I realize that we have to go right away. I think at this point someone told me not to worry and the next time I manage to prod my husband to get going it is 20 minutes from when our flight is scheduled to depart. Mike says, "We'll just get another flight." Very nonchalant. Whereas I am freaking out. Then there was a frantic drive to the airport with my Mom driving one car (which I am in) and my brother-in-law driving a second car (which my husband is in), They end up not following us, which is a good thing because my Mom proceeds to get completely lost, taking wrong turn after wrong turn and not paying any attention to the directions the rest of us are trying to give her. That's about when I woke up.
2) I have some plans. One is for the blog and involves a mechanism for writing more regularly and writing more structured posts. The other is more life-oriented. They will each be separate posts that I will get out this week. (Making a declaration of commitment, I hear, is helpful when trying to reach goals and form habits.)
sand sun water
I don't miss too much about Florida, my home state - in particular the ubiquitous palm trees, which I credit for making me in such a hurry to leave once college was in sight. After nearly 12 years of life in New England, I've even learned intolerance to heat and humidity, which I craved while growing up on the Gulf coast - though I can't help but crave bright, clear, sunny days near the ocean.
Recently, I visited a beach on the coast of Maine and found myself remembering the feel of sand sliding between my toes. As I wrote to someone once, sometime in high school I lost my fondness for bathing in the hot sun, the type of sun only found at the beach - and especially at one of the whitest beaches in the world (Siesta Key Beach, winner of the 1987 Great International White Sand Beach Challenge, judged by the good people from Woods Hole Oceanographic Institute) - the type of sun that makes sweat bead on your skin, behind your knees, on the small of your back, at the nape of your neck within minutes of laying down on your towel - the type of sun that makes a slight breeze feel like sweet release from the persistent, blazing, nearly unbearable, but ultimately irresistible heat. Whereas my younger, prepubescent self had been a semi-aquatic creature, amphibian if you will, constantly in and out of the water (ocean, but also pool, if that was all that was available), as a mature 15 or 16 year old I would only venture to the beach at night, to walk in the silky, cool sand for a few minutes.
So, I found myself once again bathing in the noon day sun on a beach, but this time in Maine. Sweat pouring off my skin. So hot my eyes could no longer focus on the black letters resting on the too white pages of the book I'd brought with me to pass the time. And no breeze. I searched, then, for the natural alternative relief from the heat. The ocean.
It's difficult to be graceful on sand. I'd forgotten that. Different muscles work as the sand gives under your feet. You are forced to learn a new pattern, a new rhythm, much like a sailer on board his vessel adapts to the rocking of the ocean waves. As I made my way through the shifting, uneven sand, I reached the water and was instantly yanked out of my Florida reverie.
The water is fucking cold.
And I ran back to my towel. I'd rather be blistered by the sun than frozen by the water.
Recently, I visited a beach on the coast of Maine and found myself remembering the feel of sand sliding between my toes. As I wrote to someone once, sometime in high school I lost my fondness for bathing in the hot sun, the type of sun only found at the beach - and especially at one of the whitest beaches in the world (Siesta Key Beach, winner of the 1987 Great International White Sand Beach Challenge, judged by the good people from Woods Hole Oceanographic Institute) - the type of sun that makes sweat bead on your skin, behind your knees, on the small of your back, at the nape of your neck within minutes of laying down on your towel - the type of sun that makes a slight breeze feel like sweet release from the persistent, blazing, nearly unbearable, but ultimately irresistible heat. Whereas my younger, prepubescent self had been a semi-aquatic creature, amphibian if you will, constantly in and out of the water (ocean, but also pool, if that was all that was available), as a mature 15 or 16 year old I would only venture to the beach at night, to walk in the silky, cool sand for a few minutes.
So, I found myself once again bathing in the noon day sun on a beach, but this time in Maine. Sweat pouring off my skin. So hot my eyes could no longer focus on the black letters resting on the too white pages of the book I'd brought with me to pass the time. And no breeze. I searched, then, for the natural alternative relief from the heat. The ocean.
It's difficult to be graceful on sand. I'd forgotten that. Different muscles work as the sand gives under your feet. You are forced to learn a new pattern, a new rhythm, much like a sailer on board his vessel adapts to the rocking of the ocean waves. As I made my way through the shifting, uneven sand, I reached the water and was instantly yanked out of my Florida reverie.
The water is fucking cold.
And I ran back to my towel. I'd rather be blistered by the sun than frozen by the water.
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